Mental illness influences, matures senior
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Throughout one's career on The Feather, the senior column stands as the finish line for the years-long dash that is journalism. It is in this last article that veterans and newbies alike are allowed to provide commentary on any subject that intrigues them, granted that they reflect upon their high school experience in some way.
For me, this brought about the question: what the heck do I write my column on? During my three-year stint at The Feather I've written articles about social experiments, my political opinions and how a literal fire led to a spiritual one. With so many pieces featured on our little paper, I felt as if I had nothing else to say.
After a couple days of mulling it over -- with graduation, all the while, rapidly approaching -- I finally decided I would share a side of myself that not many people know about. This is a constant that I've learned to deal with over the course of my life, and has, more than anything I can think of, worked to define the person I am.
You see, I was born with several medical and behavioral health problems, which include anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and oral Sensory Integration Dysfunction (SID). From a very early age these issues progressed within my psyche, eventually commencing a rampage that would last throughout a large part of my childhood.
As far as I know, everything started when I was a baby, as SID played a key part in my development. For simplicity's sake, the way I always explain it is that certain textures and feelings set off alarms in my brain that make me believe I'm in danger. Because of this constant, subconscious peril, I barely ate for the first 18 months of my life -- it was at that point that I was diagnosed -- which led to several issues with my maturation. To this day my doctor's and parents still joke that, for my first few years, I completely made up my own growth chart.
"I had reinforced my critical thinking skills, but was unable to use them, due to shyness and anxiety. Thankfully, three years of one amazing publication was able to break me out of my shell and force me into instances where I was forced to talk and work amongst people. I owe many, many things to The Feather, but this is, perhaps, the most important one of all." --Nick Avery, Editor-in-Chief
Though I was able to work through the majority of my problems with SID, by that time in my life another psychological monster was assaulting my existence: OCD.
From TV shows like Monk and Scrubs OCD might seem like an amusing condition where someone does something repetitive for no apparent reason. While I can see this as being true from the broadest, most unexperienced perspective imaginable, I can tell you from experience there's nothing entertaining about the disease.
Living with OCD is like being trapped in a mental hell that's impossible to escape from. Day in and day out you're forced to participate in a twisted game your brain has concocted that nobody else understands. Whether it be touching things an even number of times, declining to eat something because an undesirable object brushed it or searching for merchandise in a store that has to be perfect, your very existence becomes ruled by one simple law: listen to whatever your head tells you no matter how illogical it might seem.
Elementary school proved to be the greatest trail I would experience up to this point. My OCD made it impossible for me to play sports or participate in activities, which, coupled with my anxiety, established me as an outcast by the time I reached 5th grade. With few other options, I was forced to seek help through therapy, where I learned how to control and outgrow my disease.
I guess this is the point in my column where I make a 180-degree turn and talk about how I overcome every obstacle I encountered and developed into an amazing person because of it. Yet, to say this would be a lie, plain and simple. The truth is, I'm flawed. I know I'll never have my mental illness 100 percent in check, and I think, this year, I've finally come to terms with that.
With this, I've also realized what exactly my disorder has done for my life. Though I had no way of knowing it at the time, every facet of my mental illness was developing a person who would flourish in high school, given the right opportunities.
Coming out of junior high, I had reinforced my critical thinking skills, but was unable to use them, due to shyness and anxiety. Thankfully, three years of one amazing publication was able to break me out of my shell and force me into instances where I was forced to talk and work amongst people. I owe many, many things to The Feather, but this is, perhaps, the most important one of all.
After all, it is thanks to journalism that I was able to forge long-lasting relationships that I will remember for the rest of my life. I want to express my gratitude to all of these friends, as -- though you probably didn't even realize it -- you have all helped me so much with my mental illness over the past few years.
Though I know I've still struggled despite these things, it is at FC where I've come to realize the strength and grace of God. While I may be anxious and overcome with turmoil at times, as the beginning of Psalm 46:10 states: "He says, 'Be still and know that I am God...' (NIV). Over the course of my lifetime, this is the constant I've come to know and love.
Senior Nick Avery will attend Whitworth University in Spokane, WA in the fall, where he will double major in English and history.
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Posted by "Kenna Wheeler" on May 24, 2012 at 1:05 a.m.
Nick, you are a fantastic person, friend and writer. Your writing talent truly shines in this column. You have accomplished so much over your years of high school and you have a lot of courage to write a column about something so deeply personal and touching.
I admire your courage and am extremely proud to call you my friend. I know you will go on to do great things for the rest of my life and I honestly cannot wait to see what God has in store for you. You have accomplished so much and I can't wait to hear what more you accomplish in the future.
Posted by "Janine Healy" on May 21, 2012 at 1:05 a.m.
Nick, I don't really know you, but I just wanted to say how much I admire your willingness to be transparent in sharing about your struggles with mental illness. This is topic that not many understand and don't really want to talk about. You are a brave young man...I am sure that God has great plans for your future. Blessings to you.
Posted by "Christopher Grossman" on May 21, 2012 at 1:05 a.m.
Gotta say Nic-Nac, I'm sad to see you go. I wish you luck in whatever endeavors are next presented to you.
Posted by "Denise Tardell" on May 19, 2012 at 1:05 a.m.
Nick ~ you were a sweet baby and you are now a strong handsome man that your family loves dearly. Your heartfelt comments about how you have realized that you are just perfect the way you are and can achieve whatever you set your mind to is so inspiring. I smile when I think of you. Love, Aunt Denise
Long Beach, CA
Posted by "Jackie Gillen" on May 19, 2012 at 1:05 a.m.
Dear Nick....way to go!
It takes a lot of strength and courage to show people places in ourselves that we try so hard to hide. True freedom comes when we live for an audience of The One. If we are pleasing Him, then nothing else should matter.
Love, Aunt Jackie
Posted by "Angie Fries" on May 19, 2012 at 1:05 a.m.
You are the Feather's Badge of Courage and my complete respect and admiration go out to you. Thank you so much for the article that I am sure will inspire all who read it.
Posted by "Laura Casuga" on May 18, 2012 at 1:05 a.m.
Nick - what an incredibly poignant and touching article. What courage it must have taken to write this! We have been blessed to have gotten to know you better these last several years, and you have enriched our lives in many ways.
We are all flawed, some in more obvious ways than others, but God has a plan for each of us, and our flaws are a part of that plan. You are an incredible young man who has learned to triumph over obstacles whose weight would have made many crumble. Praise God for giving you the strength and tenacity to rise above, and for giving Him the glory for that victory.
We love you Nick. We are all better people for knowing you.
Posted by "Lisa Foto" on May 18, 2012 at 1:05 a.m.
Hello Nick,
I have never met you but we are very good friends of Jim and Jackie Gillen. She forwarded your article to us this morning. Your parents must be so proud of you and rightfully so. Give yourself a nice pat on the back and congratulations as you finish out your senior year. God will continue to direct your path when you let Him. He's never steered me wrong yet. Keep up the writing too. You are gifted in this.
Mission Viejo, CA
Posted by "Tynin Fries" on May 18, 2012 at 1:05 a.m.
I must say that reading this article, as one of your last for The Feather, was truly touching. You have a way of being completely honest and that is something I admire about you and I always will. Even though we make jokes about OCD all the time, no one can truly understand it. That happens a lot, but this article is a good way for us to get a glimpse into what you have to live with.
Nick, thanks for sharing this part of your life. I know its a very sensitive subject for anyone to talk about let alone publish for the internet to see. You are so brave.
Posted by "Ashley Ward" on May 17, 2012 at 1:05 a.m.
Nick, congratulations on completing your final year of high school as one of the heads of the Feather staff! Thanks for sharing a part of your story that most people don't know. I appreciate your honesty and your friendship and look forward to seeing how you will flourish in college!
La Canada, CA
Posted by "Debbie Fries" on May 17, 2012 at 1:05 a.m.
I am so inspired after reading this article! From the title I was awed that you had the courage to actually use the words "mental illness" as our society as a whole reacts so negatively to this terminology. I struggled in the past and have had numerous negative labels placed upon me. However, I resonate with your acknowledgment that you are not perfect and have learned to not only live but thrive with these conditions.
I adore you Nick and having you in my home this past year has been a blessing. You are one of the funniest, caring, loyal people I have ever met. Keep on being just who you are, because you are amazing!
Posted by "Callista Fries" on May 17, 2012 at 1:05 a.m.
Nick this is so awesome! I loved reading this! Your finally done with high school! You can finally have free time, this year you led The Feather and it payed off! You are amazing
Posted by "DeAnna Avery" on May 17, 2012 at 1:05 a.m.
Your dad and I are so thankful for you Nick. You have been through so much in your life, yet you tolerated us gently pushing you beyond your comfort level when you were younger. Then, you began not only writing for The Feather, but threw yourself completely into becoming the best Editor you could be! You now push yourself to do things that are uncomfortable for others and God's glory. We are so proud of the dedication you have shown on this paper, and you are a better man for it!
Posted by "Gigi Thao" on May 27, 2012 at 1:05 a.m.
Nick, I just wanted to say that you are an inspiration for everyone. Everywhere you go you touch peoples' lives and your mental illnesses have attributed to how amazing of a person you are, because they make up who you are.
I'm honored to be your friend and I know that you will continue to impact people in the future. I'm so glad that you led The Feather this year and am thankful to have watched you grow throughout the years. Thank you for your amazing dedication and willingness to go out of your comfort zone.