When I think back to my first day of high school at Fresno Christian, I cringe: I was a dorky sophomore trying to fit in with the crowd.
My fashion sense was completely lacking, and my self-confidence was similarly deficient. I had always felt like a person who did not quite fit in with any one group of people, due to a lack of passion in a particular area.
Because of my lack of passion, I often felt that others knew better than I did and let them walk all over me.
But over the years, I grew. I grew into a journalist. I grew into being a relatively good student. Most of all, I grew into a much more confident person.
I have come to realize over the years that whatever I do, as long as I have faith in myself and the decisions I have made, everything will end up okay.
This lesson was a hard one for me to grasp, as I have a tendency to apologize and attempt to “fix” what I have done.
For example, prior to my personal growth, if I got in a disagreement with a friend, I would apologize and back down, even when they were completely in the wrong. Now, I chose to stand my ground and wait for their apology.
When I finally was able to muster up enough confidence in myself to tell others “this is the decision I have made, and I stand by it,” I felt like I grew so much more than when I backed away like a coward.
Of course, there were moments when I became over-confident and cocky. These painful experiences were friendly reminders to never be over-confident because, after all, everyone makes mistakes.
As I prepare to go off to college at California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo, I am so grateful for having already learned these lessons now instead of in college.
I realize now and am thankful for how much progress I have made in many areas of life. I have improved in my journalistic writing skills, I have overcome challenges with focusing, and I have matured in the way I handle different situations with friends and family ? three things that probably never would have happened if I had not grown so much over the last years.
Developing self-confidence was a long, windy and difficult road. It was definitely a process, and I am certainly still a work in progress. I am still attempting to attain the balance between a healthy self-confidence and too much boldness.
A major contributing factor to this internal change was an adjustment in attitude. I had to come to the realization that I have made certain decisions and I must stand by them, no matter what the consequences.
Another aspect that helped me gain more confidence was my weekly column, Sessions with Sydney. By writing this column, I was able to not only rant about things I think are ridiculous, but also to state my opinion ? even when it was controversial.
After posting my column online, there were no secrets about my opinions. Anyone in the world can read them, and they will remain available for quite some time.
I wish I could say that I have always been a relatively confident person, but the reality is that I was not. But I am so thankful for having made this progress in my life, and I hope others can learn from my mistakes.
Overall, I learned a lot over the last 18 years of my life, and especially the last three at Fresno Christian. I am proud of the person I have become, and I leave knowing I can grow even more in the years to come.
