Season’s greetings! It is the most wonderful time of the year for foodies nationwide as Trader Joe’s brings good tidings to the shelves. For almost 60 years, TJ’s has stood out among other grocers for its carefully-crafted stock of unique items curated for customers. When the winds get colder, fall flavors retire from the shelves. Christmas classics take center stage, including foods infused with peppermint, candy cane, gingerbread, cinnamon, orange, chocolate, apple, etc. Whether it be sweets or savory snacks, the Christmas collection has something for everyone. 

For the past four years, I have taken upon myself a tasty task, trying new products in the Trader Joe’s Christmas Collection. During this flavor-filled journey, I have found some of my all-time favorite foods, while discovering others that proved to not be my particular seasonal snack. This eating expedition has taught me the importance of spontaneity and adventurousness, even if it is just trying new foods. I am thankful for each bite, even the ones my taste buds may not have enjoyed. For the final time, let’s get tasting!

Sparkling Apple Cider 

The Sparkling Apple Cider proved to be the apple of my eye this Christmas season. This crisp beverage ticked all my boxes for a great drink; it was flavorful and refreshing, bubbly, yet balanced. One might claim that it is a Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider rip-off, but I fear a rip-off implies that it is not to the standard of the original, where I would argue that Trader Joe’s surpassed the set standard. What took the drink from pleasantly crafted to genuinely delightful was the potency of the apple flavoring. When I drink sparkling beverages, my most prominent vice seems to be that the carbonation eclipses the depth of the intended flavor. The Sparkling Apple Cider maintained its vigor throughout the entire process.

Gingerbread Ice Cream Sandwich 

Run, run as fast as you can to get your hands on this gingerbread man! Oh, how I love me a good gingerbread cookie, add ice cream, and bam! — suddenly peace on earth does not seem as unattainable. The well-spiced cookie, despite being in the freezer, is soft and moist and provides the perfect structure for this sandwich. The vanilla ice cream filling is well-crafted, not a sorry excuse of a soft serve substitute. The box included four well-crafted sweet treats and you can eat them at your own pace without the fear of freezer burn as they are individually packaged.

Candy Cane Baton Wafer Cookies

Okay, to start off, don’t let the packaging deceive you as it did me; the Candy Cane Baton Wafer Cookies are wildly mislabeled. Ask anyone to picture a cookie, and I can ensure we are all envisioning a soft, round, gooey, sweet treat. Now take that perfect homemade cookie and forget about it completely because the candy cane baton wafer “cookies” are simply a Christmas dupe of Pirouline stick wafers. The slender tube is delicate and flaky; when snapped in two, it gives way to the creamy filling that is perfectly potent. It is light and airy, yet flavorful and filling. If you are in need of a scrumptious Christmas confection, this is definitely for you, just know it’s not a cookie!

Dark Chocolate Orange

One word, two syllables, and three exclamation marks can sum up my thoughts on this next item. “NA-STY!!!” I would love to blame my distaste of this item on a dislike of the ingredients, but I love oranges and dark chocolate is my muse. So when I picked up this item, yes, apprehension was present because I did not associate citrus with Christmas, but I had hoped for at least an edible confection. Oh boy, how wrong was I. Without going into detail on the chance of making you queasy, let’s just say that not even a single bite made it to my stomach as my taste buds recoiled in proximity to the repulsive monstrosity. 

Now I can not deny that the packaging was beautiful, deceiving, but beautiful. The individual detailing on each slice was a nice touch, and it was extremely satisfying to see them all group together to form the chocolate equivalent of a palm-sized orange. For some, the chocolate orange is a nostalgic sweet, a token taken from childhood memories, misleading them to a lifetime of unearned appreciation for the flavor combo that should not have been paired. 

But as The Grinch once said, “One man’s toxic sludge is another man’s potpourri,” so who am I to judge if the Dark Chocolate Orange is for you?

Candy Cane Chocolate Covered Almonds  

These little morsels are the definition of holly jolly joys. They are the perfect quencher to a holiday sweet tooth. The candy cane is prominent in the bonbon, and the blend of the white and dark chocolate is a union forged with ease. What I most appreciate is the depth the roasted almond brings; its earthy, robust flavor brings together the whole treat. The Candy Cane Chocolate Covered Almonds are the most snackable items I have yet to try on this eating expedition!

Peppermint Brookie

Sugar, spice and everything nice can be found in this next tasty treat. Trust me, Trader Joe’s is no rookie when it comes to crafting a well-tasting brookie. On the top, a peppermint-infused sugar cookie, on the bottom, an ooey-gooey brownie, the two mashed together is a creation worth the consumed calories. The slight sprinkling of crunchy granulated sugar was the perfect juxtaposition to the soft dessert.  

Hot Honey Fudge 

This treat took warmest wishes seriously; trust me, these cute confections pack a potent punch. The initial bite tastes like a toothache in the making with an overwhelming hit of honey, but within seconds, the sweet turns spicy. If you’re embarking on a trip in a winter wonderland, you can trust that a single cube will warm your cheeks, but other than that, I would not find myself in need of indulging in the Hot Honey Fudge again.

O’Nog (Non-Dairy Oat Beverage)

I should preface this item with an awareness that I am not an eggnog lover, nor do I plan on ever being an eggnog lover. But as the beverage is a Christmas-time staple, I can not leave it out, so I will review strictly on the objective measures of a good product. The creaminess of the O’Nog mimicked that of normal eggnog precisely. The spicing is where I feel the expectation deviated; the nutmeg was beyond intrusive and after one taste, I felt like a squirrel who overindulged before hibernation. With some added spices, I could foresee this product being a hit for our lactose-free friends who would love to indulge in a holiday beverage. 

Sleigh Ride Cookies 

The Sleigh Ride Cookies were in a holiday war, with crushed peppermint-flavored chocolate and crushed candy cane pieces vying for dominance. From the initial opening of the bag, an intense minty aroma ambushed my nostrils, and I suspected it would only get worse once I tried one. I was unfortunately right. Not only was the flavor distasteful, but the cookie was criminally crunchy. I fear the goal was to mirror the texture of a Chips Ahoy cookie, yet the outcome was a pastry with the durability of a brick.

I question if these are called sleigh ride cookies because they are meant as a reindeer snack; they seem eerily similar to the treats I give my horse. If you were to leave these cookies out for Santa, I foresee the jolly old man attempting to take a bite whilst breaking a tooth in the process. Not only will you be responsible for a hillbilly Saint Nick, crying “Bah! Humbug!,” but you can be sure that he’ll pay you back with coal the same texture as this cookie left in your stocking. 

Thank you for embarking on this flavorful journey with me!

For more from The Feather, read Stranger Things makes monumental comeback for fifth and final season or More than a buzz: Energy drinks sap health.