Middle child syndrome: a non-medical condition that affects the middle child in a family. Common symptoms include neglect, higher expectations from parents and not being able to get away with things that both the elder and younger children do. The middle child also tends to be the peacekeeper. At least, these are my symptoms.
Though there are four children in my family, I consider myself to be the middle child of my sisters Lauren (’10 alumna) and Katharine (’13) because my younger brother William is much younger than us. Though not an actual medical phenomenon, my familial experiences seem to prove that middle child syndrome is real.
Raised in the middle
Growing up, Lauren was always the leader, while Katharine and I were the willing followers. We never thought for a minute that we were Lauren’s “servants,” but, like younger siblings tend to do, we viewed our oldest sister as a queen.
On one occasion, Lauren created a makeshift cart on wheels, which we dubbed the “Popemobile.” Looking back now, I don’t know why we did it; but Katharine and I used to fight about who got the great privilege of pulling Lauren around.
That’s right: We argued not about who rode in the Popemobile but about who got to pull it. After a few weeks, I realized that the thing to be fighting for was not pulling but riding. My sudden desire to ride in Lauren’s mobile meant she would have to share — something she was not very keen on. Therefore, my anti-Lauren campaign failed, and I was left to pull myself in the cart.
The point of this story is that no matter what I do, my older sister seems to always have seniority over everything. Whether it be something of mine she wants to borrow, or needing my assistance for her benefit, I have learned that there is nothing I can do to be equal with Lauren — an injustice thrust upon the middle child.
In addition, as a younger sibling it has become natural for me to feel inferior to Lauren. However, that rule does not apply to my younger siblings in regard to me. Because the youngest children in a family often look up to the eldest, they tend to treat the middle child the same as the eldest does. This is the case with me, as Katharine has never looked up to me as she does Lauren.
Differences in treatment
When it comes to birthdays, firstborns generally have lavish parties because it is the first birthday for the parents to plan. In addition, the youngest is the last to have such celebrations, so parents usually provide a fun party as well. Since the middle child is neither first nor last, the middle child is often overlooked.
For example, both of my sisters had great thirteenth birthdays. Lauren got to take her friends to a fancy restaurant for dinner and then have a sleepover. Katharine got to take a hummerzine with all her friends around Fresno, and took them to the San Joaquin Country Club for dinner and karaoke.
Was I jealous of my sisters’ parties? No, they deserved them. The only thing was that I thought I deserved an over-the-top thirteenth birthday party, too. For my party, my mom cooked dinner and we had my grandparents over. I’m all for family dinners, but I think the average 13-year-old would choose a hummerzine over staying home.
Syndrome in perspective
When I try to examine the middle child syndrome through my parents’ point of view, I do not blame them. I find it extremely easy to take certain actions without realizing how it affects others, especially in the case of equal treatment to children.
Obviously, no parent loves one child more than another, though it may come across that way. In my case, I think my parents are still hit by the rush and excitement of Lauren, their firstborn, and still view Katharine as their youngest. I know that I am not any less loved, but as the middle child, I do not receive as much attention.
As the peacekeeper, I usually choose not to bring such things into light. I do not think it is worth the risk of conflict in my family, and I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. But, like I said earlier, I do reach my breaking point once in a while.
All in all, I am not dissatisfied about living with middle child syndrome. In a way, it makes me feel like I have a title where my sisters do not. Though my opinion is only one, I hope that other middle children might find my beliefs on this condition accurate and my opinion helpful and encouraging.
For more coverage of family experiences, read the May 21, 2009 column, Large family teaches tolerance.
