Campus parent Deb Fries writes a weekly blog called “Life Chats with Deb,” which is published every Thursday. Topics she writes on range from parenting struggles to advice for students who are repeating mistakes she herself has made. The blog is aimed towards high school students and their parents.

Fries has written over 20 posts throughout this school year. Her latest blog focuses on showing love, despite being married to her husband for 21 years.

We Need to Show Love

I have been married for almost 21 years! And the other day I was thinking about all the things that have happened in that time. I have now lived with my husband longer than I lived with my parents, I have had three amazing children, have lived in a few places, have lost a parent and have gone back to work. The one constant is that I love my husband. You would think that this is obvious. But, there were times when I stood by him even though I didn’t feel “love.” Now the day-to-day life sometimes interferes with us showing our affections towards each other.

Having kids, both boy and girls, has meant that we are the prime examples of what being married looks like. The basis for which they will make their own judgements about what marriage means. Our kids have seen the good, the bad and the awful when it comes to our marital status. But we have tried to show them that we have taken vows and that they are meaningful to us. That just because something is hard, really hard, that you don’t just quit.

Having said this, I started evaluating how my husband and I portray that we are still in love and looking to grow old together. The answer I got from myself was not too good. With all the busyness that our life has, it seems like we sometimes forget to say ” I love you” enough, or just show affection, like a kiss goodbye or a playful dance in the kitchen.

I want my kids to know that being married long term can still provide sparks, and excitement. I want them to know without me telling them that I adore their father. I am now on a mission to actively pursue my husband intentionally to show not only our kids and him but myself, just how much he means to me.

If we aren’t showing our kids how to love a spouse, where will they learn it? From their favorite television show where the characters bounce from one spouse to another? From a rock star who has no time for commitment? We are the examples. We are the people that they spend at least 18 years watching, and believe me, taking it all in. Yes, our children judge us. Somedays it feels like too much, but we are their teachers. Maybe they should judge us.

I encourage you all to take the time to show love, to your spouses especially. Let our children know that a committed long term marriage is worth the work! Even when we don’t feel like it; it is important. We are being watched, and this is one time I don’t want to fail!

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