Fresno Christian High School
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The Student News Site of Fresno Christian High School

The Feather

The Student News Site of Fresno Christian High School

The Feather

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Letter to the Editor
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Obligatory affection damages relationships

Just because someone likes you, does that mean that you are required to return their feelings?

One morning a teacher on campus walked into one of my classes asking this same question. The feelings of affection from another person can be one of the best experiences in the world, or the most annoying, awkward and obligatory burden.

Imagine for a moment, if you will, someone who is enthralled with everything about you, a person who worships the ground you walk on, compliments you, showers you with gifts.

Sounds pretty great, right? Well maybe not.

Automatically you would be attracted to this person, because, okay, everybody likes to feel special. Then it begins to be too much. Your gut feeling is that something seems to be a little fishy. But you continue to stick it out because–why? You feel obligated.

So why is it that obligatory affection often overrules by a person’s first instincts?

Society (most often being your peers) is prone to thinking that you are cold-hearted or rude if you don’t show affection in return to being so desperately liked.

Does that make you a mean person if you don’t like someone who likes you?

The answer is “”no.”” I am not saying this as an excuse to be cold-hearted and rude. However, you are entitled to your own feelings, regardless of the feelings of others in your life.

Honesty gets lost in this whole process. Say you are in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and come to the conclusion that you aren’t good for each other and you decide to break up with him/her.

The next day at school everyone glares at you and blames you for your ex’s heartbreak.

Would it be fair to be dishonest with this person by only feigning affection? Wouldn’t people rather you be honest than fake your feelings?

Regardless of what your friends or parents think about this certain someone, you have the ultimate say. Even if he is a football star or the nicest guy in school, or if she is beautiful and charming, you are allowed to break free of this obligation.

Relationships that work, that meet the needs of both people, are honest and not forced. Would you really want to be in a relationship where the other person stays involved just to avoid hurting your feelings, ignoring their own feelings of entrapment, with resentment on both parts building by the minute?

As an inquiring teacher once said, “Affairs of the heart aren’t scientific; the whole idea of matchmaking is based upon emotions and needs which are inconsistent at best, and unpredictable at worst.”

Scripture promotes action based on trust and obedience, not fickle emotion. As the Old Testament writer said, “”He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But he who walks wisely will be delivered (Proverbs 28:26).

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