Romans 15:7
Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.

Unseen

During this week’s blog we will be going over the powerful and toxic emotion of rejection and feeling unseen by the people around you. I recognize this needs to be discussed because I am aware that most young people have experienced feeling ignored by their peers.

I anticipate this to be simple because I attend a relatively small school with only 200 or so students in my high school. Everyone is going to have a group and everyone is going to have friends. Right? Well, I’ve been informed by several of my classmates that they have felt unheard, overlooked and flat out ignored. 

Principal Amy Deffenbacher describes the student body as similar to icebergs. Your peers have only seen about 10% of who you are and some judge you based on that. They don’t know what’s underneath, the genuineness of who you are. Most don’t make the effort to get to know you, so it’s easy to put yourself down from a sense of unworthiness.   

Feeling rejected often leads to insecurity, unhealthy comparison, anxiety, jealousy and even depression. 

According to Very Mind Well “rejection and feeling unseen is a direct threat to an individual’s sense of belonging and can have serious consequences for mental health. Even if someone isn’t actually being rejected all the time, if they perceive that they are an outcast or if they believe that they are being rejected, their mental health is still likely to decline.”

How is it fair people judge me when they don’t even know me? 

How is it fair that all my ideas are shut down? 

HOW IS IT FAIR? Well, it’s not fair and it straight up hurts. 

So what are we supposed to do?

When you find yourself dwelling on these thoughts, stop for a minute. Although we are aware that it is unfair and that we cannot influence how other people act and think, we can change our mindset.

Negative talk: In addition to messing with your mind and leading you to believe lies, negative language also determines how you want to live your life. In 1 Peter 3:10 it says “…whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.” What you say matters and even when it seems situations are unfair, tell yourself, “I matter. I’m valued. I’m loved. I belong.” For the majority of my life, I’ve been told this, but I never truly believed it. My adjustment in how I spoke about myself out loud quickly caused things to change in my head and heart.

What you give your energy to: Our emotional energy is often focused on the situation that we want to change. Many of our thoughts are focused on the feeling of wanting to be enough. As a desire grows, like passion for the things of God, this hunger and

energy will begin to dominate our thought life more than the negative circumstances and garbage swirling around in our heads. 

To those who unintentionally or intentionally disregard others, consider your heart attitude. How seriously can that impact someone? This may not be your intention but a lack of reaching out to others and growing in this area will still give off this vibe. 

It has always been in my mind to be kind to people, but I hardly ever went out of my way to talk to them. I have to intentionally resist the fear of being too uncomfortable or selfish to reach out. People’s lives and the emotional world are too special to God for all of us to refuse to humble ourselves and grow in these areas.

A good friend of mine, I want to remain anonymous, shares how they’ve felt at FCS and how it’s impacted them. 

“When you feel left out or unwanted, it’s the worst possible feeling. You see people, friends, move on with their lives. You feel a little like you failed, you just feel stuck,” they said. “Tell yourself that life is worth its ups and downs. There are people that do love you, even if you think they don’t. Start to appreciate what you have. Start to appreciate the people that love and care for you.”

I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.

Philippians 3:12-14 MSG