One Simple Thread, No. 2 – Flock of Crows

There’s a famous horror movie from the seventies about non other than the devil’s son. A friend of mine played the role of a bully who confronts this devil child. Obviously, since it was a horror film genre, my friend was defeated. I didn’t watch the movie (I’m not a fan of devils, thank you) but I did watch his scene. In it he is stared down by the star of the movie and in turn raises his hands over his face as he screams in terror and dies. He told me that in order to prepare for the scene, the director of the movie told him to pretend he was being attacked by a flock of crows. When we played the scene back, the effect was amazing.

I’ll let you in on a secret of mine. For years, I dealt with anxiety and panic attacks. The feeling was much like a horror movie scene where I was the one being attacked by a flock of crows. Thoughts and fears would fly upon me, seemingly from nowhere, leaving me confused and paralyzed. Often, these thoughts were accompanied by the sensation of fire ants marching underneath my skin. I asked a nurse about the feeling and he told me that it was related to anxiety. I remember standing there thinking, “Well, that can’t be right, I don’t battle with that!” Little did I know! In truth, anxiety was my constant companion throughout the day.

Once I discovered that I did battle anxiety I immediately began to dig for the root, because, without knowing the cause, you won’t find a cure. My journey took me to a Christian counselor and to the home of a beautiful, elderly, married couple who became my life mentors. As I dug into my broken past many of the reasons for my anxiety disorder were revealed. It was like going on a Navy Seal reconnaissance mission to find the broken pieces of my soul. Week after week, I’d sit with Jesus and allow Him to put these shattered and splintered pieces back together again. Today, I am a mosaic of all these pieces.

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Maybe you think that because you have been wounded in the past you will never be worth anything to anyone. Not feeling like enough will always result in a hamster wheel of performance sending you spinning in endless circles of anxiety. You will try to prove to yourself, to your friends, to your parents that you are worth loving. This is exactly where the devil (yes, he is real) wants you to be. He wants you to continually question your worth and God’s love for you. In fact, his most famous lie is a question and it’s found in Genesis 3:1 when he tempts Eve. He asks her, “Did God really say…?”

Let me show you what this looks like for you…

Did God really say he could forgive that sin?

Did God really say he has a plan for you?

Did God really say that you’re wonderful?

Did God really say that He loves you?

My friends, I will now answer on your behalf. Yes, yes He did! The answers are clear as day.

“I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more.” Hebrews 10:17

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me tighter in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:13-14

“I have loved you with an everlasting love…” Jeremiah 31:3

Today I know without a doubt that I don’t have to do anything to earn God’s love. Everything I do FOR Him is simply a response based on how much I am loved BY Him. If I do have performance anxiety, I quiet myself and enter into God’s rest provided for me by His Son. (FREE sermon: Overcoming Anxiety)

Likewise, you don’t need to do anything to get God to love you. He already does! In fact, He loved you when you were literally covered in sin (John 3:16). Isn’t that profound? He loves you because He made you. End of story.

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Today, I may be a mosaic of broken pieces, but if you ask me, the sun looks a whole lot more beautiful shining through a colorful mosaic than just a plain old piece of glass.

– Andi

To read more From Andi, visit One Simple Thread No.1, Periods and Commas.